So many thoughts keep flooding my mind.
I can hear my heartbeat surfing the waves of emotions. Fear passed by not too long ago as I drift through the current on a driftwood memory.
A memory of reflection, a memory of past, a memory of thoughts a few years back when I knew less.
It’s funny. When you’re young, you fight and dig into the world’s clam of knowledge, searching for that perfect pearl that will make you feel valued and right.
Then a few years pass and you realized there is no pearl. Just a clam you fought like hell to pry open and when it finally cracks open, you sigh.
Deep breath in, deep breath out followed by silence then a clamoring shout.
WHAT WAS THIS ALL FOR?
What was this all for?
Why am I here and not there? Why is she over there and he here?
Damn it all…
I’m just tired now. All these years have passed and what have I gained?
Compassion, information, self-hatred? Perhaps an inkling of strength and in that strength is birthed value and purpose.
But wow, it took a hell of a lot to get here. Too many years, some say not enough. But they don’t know me.
Hell, I don’t even know me. I spent so much time trying to pry open the clam to get the pearl that I just “knew” would define me.
I’m not even sure if there’s any me left to define.
Thoughts & Promise 